Protecting the sanctity of the characters
by smalldiver
Summary: An elf is sent to aid the fellowship, but not how you think!
1. Introductions

The various dignitaries milled around, waiting for Lord Elrond to start the council. The elves and dwarves were eyeing each other warily, the men were brooding, eyeing everyone warily, and Gandalf and Frodo were talking quietly, the Wizard giving words of encouragement to the nervous hobbit.  
  
Suddenly, there was an earth shattering shriek. The elves clasped their hands to their poor abused ears, and the men and dwarves reached for their weapons. Everyone, however, looked up to see a dark shape growing ever closer, its four limbs flailing wildly.  
  
With a loud FLUMP, the thing hit the ground in the middle of the mingling council guests (narrowly missing landing on Gloin).  
  
Miraculously, the girl - for they all now saw it was a girl - was unharmed. Her long platinum-silver-gold hair was still immaculately pinned in place, tucked just behind her delicately pointed ears, her faded pink skirt was still hovering just above the knee with not a single crease, and her baby pink blouse still hugged her slim body tightly, showing off her perfect curves.  
  
Looking around at the assembled males with wide platinum-silver-gold eyes, she opened her perfectly sculpted lips to speak and -  
  
Fell to the ground flat on her face, an arrow protruding from her back.  
  
Everyone back traced the arrow's previous flight path, to find a heavily armed elf maiden lowering her bow with a grim look of distaste on her face.  
  
Lord Elrond broke the resounding silence. "Ah, well. I shall take that as my cue to begin. If everyone would please take a seat, we will begin this council by introducing ourselves."  
  
There was a short moment of bustle in which the dwarves and elves tried to get seats away from each other, but when that was over, the elf Lord continued.  
  
"We have many distinguished guests here with us this morning; Lord Boromir of Gondor, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, Lord Gloin of the Lonely Mountain, and, possibly most notably, Lady Vethedwath - the Mary Sue killer." 


	2. Recognition and explanations

The awed hush following this introduction was finally broken by Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, who stepped forward and then got down on one knee, hand on heart. "My Lady! I am honoured to be in your presence. But, excuse me for saying this, haven't we met before?"  
  
Lady Vethedwath smiled kindly and nodded. "Yes. You once saw me after I slayed the Mary Sue posing as your twin sister."  
  
"'twas only for a moment, My Lady; yet now I can thank you. You did a great service to Mirkwood."  
  
"I've seen you before as well!" Frodo suddenly burst out. "You stopped me from marrying a girl who was as adventurous as me, and had a penchant for wearing breeches."  
  
Lord Elrond inclined his head. "Aye, Lady Vethedwath has done a great service to all of Arda. Men, elves, dwarves, wizards, and hobbits alike. She has saved me from many of these 'Sues' posing as my third daughter."  
  
"Lord Elrond," Vethedwath said gently, "You only have one daughter."  
  
"Only one?" The Elf Lord looked puzzled. "But what about Amadalianafathinova?"  
  
The Sue Slayer let out a barely audible sigh, scanned the surrounding area, and, quick as a flash, let one of her throwing knives fly.  
  
There was a strangled shriek, and a she elf fell out of a nearby tree.  
  
Lord Elrond shook his head to clear it. "Yes, thank you my dear."  
  
"It was no trouble, My Lord."  
  
"Now we can get back to the matter of hand. Bring forth the ring, Frodo." 


	3. The council and decisions

AN - Thanks to KnightsBallad, writerbrat, and randomlegolasfan (my first reviewer!)  
  
Disclaimer - I do not own LOTR.  
  
During the council, no less than five girls barged in on the council in one way or another, and Vethedwath found herself with her hands full having to kill them all; and, in one case, pry the girl off of a distraught Legolas.  
  
The council degraded into arguing, and Lord Elrond sank back into his chair. A female elf stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, but then turned to dust when Vethedwath put a sword through her chest.  
  
A high pitched whistle rang through the air, making the elves (once again) clap their hands to their poor ears. Standing on a chair was a woman dressed in rangers clothing.  
  
"Listen all of you guys!" she started, but then she fell to the floor with a dagger in her neck.  
  
The council immediately resumed arguing.  
  
.  
  
"You have my sword,"  
  
"And you have my bow."  
  
"And my axe."  
  
"And my - " Twang! Thud.  
  
"If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."  
  
"Here! Mr Frodo's not going anywhere without me!"  
  
"Nor - " Twang! Thud.  
  
"Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."  
  
"Hey! We're coming too!"  
  
"Yeah - " Twang! Thud.  
  
"You'll have to tie us up in a sack to stop us."  
  
"Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission - quest - thing."  
  
"Ha h - " Twang! Thud.  
  
Everyone turned expectantly to Vethedwath, who took on a pained expression. "My Lords, I would gladly accompany these noble men, but I shall not be counted as a member of their fellowship. Nine companions to match the nine ringwraiths is what it should be, and so this is what it shall be, I shall simply join as a protector of the fellowship as a whole."  
  
Boromir, Legolas, and Aragorn breathed sighs of relief. 


	4. The trouble with logic

Thanks to all my recent reviewers: Aislynn Crowdaughter, Starlit hope, and Lexxie-Lizzie.  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own LOTR.  
  
~  
  
Vethedwath sat on a convinient rock, sharpening her weapons. They'd been put to a lot of use recently - the fellowship had 'just happened' to come across several girls who had begun camping trips on Earth and 'somehow' ended up in Middle Earth.  
  
The sound of metal on metal drew her out of her musings.  
  
"Women are just as capable as men in fighting you chauvinistic pig!"  
  
"Nay!" Came Boromir's laughing voice. "Women are weak. I don't know why Lord Elrond let you accompany us; you will only slow us down."  
  
Vethedwath heaved a sigh and got up. As she suspected, Lord Boromir was engaged in a sword fight with a Warrior Sue.  
  
Warrior sues were always harder to kill - they fought back, and always thought that Boromir and Gimli were sexist.  
  
Sure enough. "I agree with Boromir, lass. You won't last another week out here." Gimli's voice joined in the debate.  
  
Vethedwath stepped forward. "Lord Boromir, you are not a chauvinist. You have been perfectly civil to me for the length of time we have known each other; in fact, we are friends. Gimli, same for you, and female dwarves are a valuable member of dwarven society, and are treated the same as dwarf men."  
  
Gimli and Boromir stopped what they were doing to think on this, and a huge plot hole opened up beneath the Sue, swallowing her up. 


	5. Singing 'talents'

Well... *cough, cough* Hello, all. Remember me? Yes, I know I haven't updated in eons, but I've had, um, stuff. Yeah, that's it... stuff.  
  
On with the story...  
  
~  
  
Things had been pretty slow recently – not many Sues wanted to make an appearance halfway up Caradhras. Sues were, in general, wimpy creatures who preferred the warmth.  
  
Although there was that amusing incident with Boromir's cloak and the hobbit Sue...  
  
Anyway, Vethedwath had decided to go for a walk to clear her head (as well as go to the loo a reasonable distance away from the males).  
  
As she was nearing the campsite, she slowed and sighed impatiently when she saw a campfire.  
  
'Does secrecy mean nothing to these sues?' She thought impatiently, pulling out her trusty throwing axes.  
  
When she drew closer, a sound washed over her. A song.  
  
"... for every last bruise you gave me, For every time I sat in tears, For the million ways you hurt me, I just wanna tell you this..."  
  
Vethedwath rolled her eyes. Another Earth girl, under the deluded impression that she could sing.  
  
"You broke my will, made me strong- ahh!"  
  
The Sue fell, dead, and disintegrated into a pile of dust, that Boromir and Aragorn promptly kicked onto the fire in disgust, before the hobbits doused it with water.  
  
Vethedwath dusted her hands off. Fifty million down, only about another infinity to go... 


	6. A natural disaster oh, and an avalanche,...

I'd nearly given up on this story, but coming across some painful Mary Sue stories has prompted me to continue with this.

Disclaimer – I don't own Lord of the Rings. If you still want to Sue me, please email me first so I may leave the country.

Vethedwath squinted through the snow. Yes, there was definitely a hobbit-sized lump attatched to Boromir's back that wasn't there a moment ago.

Rolling her eyes, she took out a throwing knife and easily destroyed the Sue.

A deep chanting voice caught her attention, and she ran to the front in case it was a rare Gary Stu, absently stabbing the elf woman that popped up, saying "There is-eek!"

"There is a fell voice on the air." Legolas said, straining to hear more.

"It's Saruman!" Gandalf yelled, before an avalanche of rocks came down, narrowly missing them.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain; Gandalf, we must turn back!"

"No." Gandalf climbed up on top of the snow bank, and began chanting. A feminine voice joined him.

Vethedwath sidled up and bumped her off the edge. Gandalf continued chanting alone. It wasn't enough, though, and some lightning hit the mountain, causing an avalanche of rocks and snow to cover them.

All the fellowship, plus Vethedwath dug themselves out easily, but Aragorn suddenly became frantic and began digging.

"Aragorn, what are you doing?" the Sue Slayer asked resignedly.

"It is Andodulin, my love, my life. She is trapped within the snow!"

"Leave her Aragorn." Vethedwath said sharply, "she is evil."

"But – " Aragorn got no further, before Vethedwath smacked him round the head, and he shook it to clear it. "Thank you, Vethedwath. I do not know what came over me."

"We must get off the mountain!" Boromir shouted. "Make for the gap of Rohan, and take the West road to our city – my city!" he amended, as the woman next to him fell to the ground with a sword in her throat.

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isenguard!" Aragorn argued.

"Yes, my father aieeeeeeee!" her shriek was lost at the bottom of the mountain.

"If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us go through the mines of Moria!" Gimli said.

"Let the Ringbearer decide." Gandalf said eventually, and all eyes turned to the small hobbit lass being held by Aragorn, before switching to Frodo hastily as she was slain.

"We will go through the mines."


	7. Memory loss and lack of air

Hello! Another chapter, coming right up!

Disclaimer – I don't own LotR. Obviously.

The entire fellowship (plus Vethedwath) breathed a sigh of relief and gladly swapped their thick cloaks for thinner jackets as they stepped off the snowy mountain.

They were back into some random woodland that had appeared (it happened more often then one would think).

Vethedwath's weapons were back in action again, as the Sues took advantage of the warmer climate to come out in droves.

A female figure appeared on the edge of their camp.

"Halt!" Boromir commanded. "Who are you and what is your purpose here?"

"I – I don't know." The girl said, frightened by the large warrior. "I don't remember my name, or how I came to be here. Please don't hurt me."

Boromir's compassionate nature emerged as he lowered his sword and took the girl into the camp. "It is all right, my Lady. You may rest here... for... a... bit." He trailed off as the girl he was taking to suddenly clutched at the belt that had appeared round her throat and died horribly. "Oh."

Vethedwath dusted her hands off triumphantly, before looking around. "Where's Legolas?"

Aragorn pointed off into the forest. "He went to go and collect some firewood."

Vethedwath took one look at the merrily blazing fire and the high stack of logs next to it before hefting her bow into her hand and setting off.

She found the errant prince bathing in the river. This came as a slight surprise, as there was no running river nearby to her knowledge, but such was the power of the Sue.

For Legolas was not alone in the river; he seemed to be having some sort of argument with another female elf (also naked, incidentally). "Well I don't like the idea of you doing that." He was saying, for some reason in Quenyan when both elves were clearly Sindarin.

The female elf drew closer. "Why not?"

"Because – " Legolas leant down, and was about to kiss the she elf.

Vethedwath readied her bow, but there was no need, as another woman shot out of the bushes to the right, and dunked the she-elf in the water, holding her under until the thrashing stopped.

Legolas, apparently unperturbed, bent down to kiss the woman instead. Vethedwath easily picked her off, and Legolas, coming back to himself, looked around, saw Vethedwath, and immediately covered his modesty, blushing furiously.


	8. Revelations and disturbances

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or anything connected with it.

PSC

Vethedwath gathered the shivering hobbits close to her – not because they were cold, but because they'd recently had a horrible Sue scare involving an illicit affair with Pippin, Merry, Sam, Frodo, and Papadaliathainil, the Sue... all at once. But then they were hoping to bury that memory away with the horrible incident with Bill and the pony-sue...

Murmured voices drew Vethedwath's attention to the outskirts of the tight camp the Fellowship (plus Vethedwath) had formed to keep close in the darkness of Moria.

The slayer rolled her eyes and gently lay down the finally sleeping hobbits, picking up her dagger as she went to check it out.

She heard Legolas' tearful voice coming out of the gloom.

"It all started when I was a young elfling. My father... he... he used to abuse me terribly. Call me names, let my older brother hit me..." He choked up at this point, and Vethedwath had to keep herself from gagging.

"It's all right, Leggy loo." A comforting, yet light and beautiful voice replied soothingly and sensuously. "Let it all out."

Pathetic sobs were heard. "He never understood me, he always made me go on scouting missions that left me in terrible danger, and only my dashing wits and cunning bravery got me out of the mess."

"But you survived, Legolas." The comforting, light, beautiful, soothing and sensuous voice said. "And you're here, with me."

The time had come. Vethedwath made her appearance, saying sweetly, "And I'm here too, what a coincidence." Before slitting her throat.

Legolas wiped his eyes hastily, leaping upright. "Why am I always the one in embarrassing situations?"


	9. Bank trouble

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or anything connected with it.

PSC

Vethedwath ran with all her might, occasionally shooting an arrow behind her at the goblins, and more frequently forward at the Sues that appeared.

"Over the bridge, fly!" Gandalf shouted hurriedly, shepherding everyone before him.

Vethedwath pushed several sues off of the bridge, having to quickly grab Sam when she mistook him for a hobbit-sue.

The Fellowship (plus Vethedwath) stopped at the stairs and looked back in horror as Gandalf paused on the bridge and faced the Balrog.

"You shall not pass!" He began, but suddenly a beautiful woman, bearing a sparkly pink stick pushed him aside.

"Run, Gandalf, I can get rid of the Balrog! It is my destiny!" She cried.

Vethedwath started forward to deal with her, but Aragorn pulled her back into his manly arms.

"Nay, Vethy! Let Lloydstsbhalifaxbarclaysnatwestabbeynational defend us from the evil demon!"

Stung at being called 'Vethy', Vethedwath flipped the ranger over her shoulder and ran forward to the bridge, only to watch in horror as the Balrog fell.

Vethedwath flung herself at Gandalf, shoving him after the Balrog with a quick, "Sorry!" Before turning to do battle with the Maia-Sue.

It was, in retrospect, an absurdly easy battle. The pink sparks emitting from the sparkly pink stick had no effect on the Slayer; and Vethedwath managed to cleave her in two before running back, chivvying the stunned remaining members of the fellowship before her with an annoyed, "Fly, you fools!"


	10. Pep talks and failed plans

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR.

Vethedwath breathed a sigh of relief upon reaching the outskirts of Lothlorien and rubbed her temples. Having to explain her reasons for apparently killing Gandalf, plus killing the ninety-odd Evanescence-singing emo Sues that had popped up wanting to take advantage of the angst-fest that was Gandalf's death, had left the slayer with a splitting headache.

(A/N: I know that's a fragmented sentence. So sue me)

Vethedwath gave an annoyed glance at the Author's note, and then threw one of her daggers straight upwards. The author responsible gave a strangled shriek, and with a last gasp of "I luv u legsy!", she was gone.

Just before entering the forest, Vethedwath paused to do a few stretches, limbering up her arms and giving herself a pep talk. She was bound to run into a lot of Sues here, from Galadriel's-daughters; to lost Earthlings taking refuge in Lothlorien, despite the Galadhrim's notorious distrust of strangers.

Sure enough, they'd barely passed the threshold of the trees before they were confronted by a border patrol.

"The dwarf breathes so loud – " The female voice trailed off into a gurgle, and Haldir, looking slightly bewildered, stepped forward and continued "We could have shot him in the dark."

They were swiftly led to a Talan, where Aragorn and Haldir (occasionally joined by various female elves who were dispatched one by one by the cranky Vethedwath) had a whispered argument.

Finally, they were blindfolded and led to Caras Galadhon, Vethedwath taking particular pleasure in dispatching the Sues that thought they could get away with joining them while the Slayer was distracted.

Vethedwath snorted at the thought. As she had told the last one while beating its head in: "Just because I am blindfolded, it does not mean that my other four senses are not working perfectly!"


End file.
